Dealing with My Heart

Honestly, I'm not a superficial person. I don't feel the need to keep up with the Jones'. Life in Iowa has been an adventure for me. Seeing how I can make the best of what we have. And that's always been just fine. Now, all of a sudden, I'm struggling with discontentment & I hate that. Oh, how I hate that! It makes me feel yucky inside. I'm grateful for what we have, but I'm ready to have our own things, not hand-me-downs. But I need to be content with what we have - even if we never get to a place to be able to have our own. But I  do  hope the day will come. :)

I remind myself frequently of the mission trip to Mexico I went on years & years ago. The families lived in cardboard boxes. Their floors were dirt. They had water rations. The kids wore no shoes (well, neither do mine, but at least they have a choice), they played on a street near a dead dog that was bloated from the sun. There was a girl named Maria who grabbed my heart. I gave her my barrette and you'd think I just gave her a million dollars! I'm so grateful for that experience. I'm also grateful Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song about a girl named Maria; one more reminder for me to never forget her.

But I saw what poverty truly is. To see that no matter what circumstances you are in, you can still be content. Still be grateful.

Yet here I am, discontent with my couches and dining room table. And broken bathroom drawers. And floors that need finishing. Oh and paint. Oops - almost forgot traveling. Such stupid, temporal stuff. I'm angry with myself for being so superficial. I don't like the way it makes me feel.

I've always dreamed about making this, our first house, a home. I can picture in my head how I want each room. The projects I want to do. The colors, the pictures on the walls, and types of furniture and its placement. But over 3 years later, I haven't even lifted a paintbrush. Nearly all our pictures are hung wherever the previous owners left nails behind. And I won't even talk furniture! But in my own defense, there are many practical reasons I want those things. Like eating as a family at the table again. Actually being able to get my floors clean, or having bathroom storage again. And not getting a crick in my neck while watching a movie with my hubby. ;)

I need to simply be grateful that even though I have to constantly fix slipcovers, we have a place to sit. Those people I witnessed in Mexico sat on dirt floors. I am blessed. Very blessed.

My next post will be of Sierra's volleyball game with pictures. No more pity parties. ;)