Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I Miss Her.

I wish my grandma was still here. I can't believe she's been gone for 13 years today. Sometimes, it seems like only yesterday I was a kid visiting my grandparents during the summer. Now that I live out here, it's like the wound was ripped back open. A whole new grieving process began.

I drive by her grave often. I know she's in heaven, safe in Jesus' arms, but there's a comfort I guess in just seeing her name. Knowing that having her as my grandmother for 17 years wasn't just a dream. I don't talk to her, but I do ask Jesus to give her a hug when I think of her. Maybe that's silly to some, but I do think that He gives her those hugs.

I wish so badly she were here to see how I turned out. Meet Robert & my kids. I wish my kids could experience her tight squeezes she would give when you simply walk pass her. I wish they could hear her say, "I love ya, sugar." But at least they have pictures & my memories that I share with them. I love how the kids call her Great-Grandma, as if they've known her all their lives.

I'm so grateful I have the memory I do. I can remember things from so far back, and while sometimes it can be a 'curse,' I consider it a blessing that I have so many memories of Grandma. My favorite memory is when she was sitting in the dining room, and as I walked past her, she pulled me on her lap (I think I was 10-12 years old), and said, "You know why you're extra special?" After I asked why, she replied, "Because you're my first grandchild."

So,as I remember my grandma today, I also remember to thank God that He gave me such a wonderful, special Grandma, who followed Jesus every day of her life.

1 comment:

moejolarry said...

Your grandmother loved her grandchildren more than anything. I know she is in Heaven right now looking down at you and is very proud of you. And she is surely watching over her children, grand, & great grandbabies, giving us all "spiritual" hugs & smiles. Thanks for sharing your memory!


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